its all so crap again again again

I can't sleep I want to cry I feel like every night I curl up under a glass jar, I am so Isolated alone, I am sick of hoping and waiting, needing.

I am sick of being patient I am sick of being strung along

I just want that love.

James says he thinks its the wrong time for things and we should just leave it for a while, till he has a job, till he's finished Uni, till i'm at uni. we won't be the same people then, this was a chance and now its gone and I am alone, again, indefinitely.

How do I know what was wanted all along I hate to think of looking into his eyes and seeing what I thought I saw cause thats not there anymore I hate to think it wasn't there cause then it was just a stupid shag, If he really wanted something from this why was he so distant, why is he so busy, why do I feel like I was the one who put in any effort to try and see him these past few weeks, or really talk to him...

sure he said Hi to me on MSN when he was online but he'd bugger off with out saying goodbye was that accidental or did he really not care?

When he said i shouldn't come over last week because he wasn't sure if we would be able to control ourselves (sexually) was it cause he didn't want me going psyco on him or because he wanted things to be about us not lust?

Why did he drive down those times to see me then but doesn't care to see me now?

Why do I hope so easily and pine so much when its gone? Why does every chance feel like my last?

Why can't I stand on my own two feet? why am I so dependent and fearful?

Why can't I make do with what I have right here, right now? why can I not be satisfied.

Why can't I like anyone near by? Why bother with love now when its logical to wait for london.

Why cry?

why feel sh*t?

why can't I sleep?

Why can't we just say what we want to say to the person it is aimed at?

Am I asking these questions or just voicing them?

I'm sorry your dealing with all that. I don't know anything really that will help, but I can give you a hug, if that helps at all. They make me feel better. Hopefully things will get better for you soon.

I'm sorry Synth
I'm not sure what to say either.
I hope your pain goes away.

Aw Synth. It's an awful feeling, I know, and I think we all go through it at some point.

Some guys are going to be jerk stupid and not see that you are fun, creative, loving and simply special. But there will be one who thinks to himself, "Synth knocks my socks off and I am *so* lucky to know her!"

I'm so sorry, hon, but it wasn't that one. I don't mean to be negative, but he's being a fool, and that does not reflect on you. No sense in being with anyone who doesn't value who you are. I know you still care about him, but he's not appreciating what you've given him.

I don't know when the One will come to you, or who he is, but he'll be smart enough to recognize he's got something good in the time he spends with you.

In the meantime: don't feel alone. We won't let you! We're here for you.