Granted,however by hooking up your computer to the internet you accidently set off a chain of events that leads to your arrest for espionage.

I wish I had a turtle.

granted, it's an alligator snapping turtle and it bites your arm off

I wish reality tv shows weren't so lame

Granted! you don't have TV and make up your own really cool reality shows in your head, seems nice until you go crazy and think your actually living in one

I wish I could see two random people fish slapping eachother on the street

granted, but then they see you and start fish slapping you instead

I wish my bf and I could be together in real life.

Granted but he's a frog that must be turned into a human.

I wish women would stop flirting with me.

granted, they stop, but everyone else ignores you and looks around confused when you try to speak to them.

I wish we had more hours in a day.

Granted, each day is now 72 hours but our sleep cycles don't change; we still must sleep every 16 hours.

I wish I was able to have more control in my life.

Granted, you have control of your life, in fact you have control of the entire world and it gets to be too overwhelming and you kill yourself.

I wish I could sleep for more than 6 hours a night

Granted! Your in a coma

I wish someone would throw a book at me

granted, it's the thickest, heaviest book in the world. It knocks you out and you get several nasty little paper cuts to go with it

I wish I had my driver's license

granted. but then they stop selling cars to people under 30

I wish my sunburn would go away

granted, now you have a big painful blister on your foot

I wish good dreams were real and bad dreams never came true.

Granted! Noone ever sleeps again

I wish I had something better to wish for

granted, but then the world ends

I wish I had a bigger house.

Granted! A bigger house falls on you

I wish I had some Absinthe

Granted! But you get alcohol poisoning


I wish i could go to England

granted, but you can never return home to see your loved ones.

I wish I had something delicious to eat.

Granted! but you get food poisoning


I wish I lost some weight

Granted! But you lost it in the chest.

I wish my friend had a darned car.

Granted, but it's a crappy car and breaks down a lot.

I wish I had money.

granted, but you can't spend it

I wish these stupid fake nails would come off already

granted! but so do your real ones


I wish I had some nice shoes

Granted, but they're too small for your feet.

I wish I could start a new life.

granted, but you're poor and homeless with no opportunities

I wish we could move to another planet.

granted! Mars!!

I wish I had some coffee now