Sounds like it was for the best, Dark Gentleman.

Anyone who doesn't think "physical contact" is important in a relationship, is c-r-a-z-y.

Besides, if you can do it, you can say it and spell it.


SEX


An ex once said; "if you stop talking or stop f*cking, you may as well break up". Once talking and touching goes away in any relationship, the boat is sinking, abandon that thing now. No matter what the reasons are for the lack of contact or communication, once it stops, the relationship 9.9 times out of 10 is done.

Interestingly though, I think the best way to keep a relationship successful, is to shut up. Everybody, everybody talks to much and listens too little, so shut up and stop waiting for you're turn to talk when you should be listening to the other person. That will make the other person feel important and help you learn about them.

DG I would be honored to date someone like you.....being as I'm so jealous of your awesome designing and sewing abilities, and fabulous sense of style :-)

Anyway, I'm pretty sure a successful relationship starts with two (preferably) warm bodies. I'm still working on that part, lol.

I'm no expert on relationships, yet have been happily married over 30 years.
These might be some things to possibly consider:

** Give your loved one the benefit of the doubt. If they have a great track record and say they never deliberately meant to hurt you and have sincerely apologized, then take them at their word. (Does NOT include abusive behavior).

** Never criticize one another in public.

** Allow each other to change, given time you both will.

** Talk less, listen more.

** Never share with others what your loved one tells you in confidence. (Does not cover illegal or abusive situations).

** Pick your fights carefully. You might win the battle, yet lose the war.

** If considering marriage, ask yourself, "Is this the person I want to have help me with raising our children to adulthood...?" and "Is this the person I want to grow old with...?" Trust me, time is fleeting.

** Realize their ideas can be just as genius as yours.

** Be generous in overlooking imperfections. (None of us are an absolute delight to live with 24/7 365...)

** Laugh together a LOT. Life can be tough and hearing each other's laughter is bonding. Hearing my husband's laughter from across a large room full of people still puts a smile on my face.





These are simply some of my own personal insights.

^^ That was beautiful to read, Velvet Spider. Thanks for the words of wisdom! My husband and I have been married for 2 years, but together for 12. Looking forward to the longevity that you and your husband share!

I'm no expert (obviously since I'm always complaining that I'm single)
But one thing I have noticed is the best relationships always come from the people that put effort in on both sides. If there is ever a one side person uphill battle you both are going to sink and quickly.

A

velvet spider wrote:

I'm no expert on relationships, yet have been happily married over 30 years. These might be some things to possibly consider: ** Give your loved one the benefit of the doubt. If they have a great track record and say they never deliberately meant to hurt you and have sincerely apologized, then take them at their word. (Does NOT include abusive behavior). ** Never criticize one another in public. ** Allow each other to change, given time you both will. ** Talk less, listen more. ** Never share with others what your loved one tells you in confidence. (Does not cover illegal or abusive situations). ** Pick your fights carefully. You might win the battle, yet lose the war. ** If considering marriage, ask yourself, "Is this the person I want to have help me with raising our children to adulthood...?" and "Is this the person I want to grow old with...?" Trust me, time is fleeting. ** Realize their ideas can be just as genius as yours. ** Be generous in overlooking imperfections. (None of us are an absolute delight to live with 24/7 365...) ** Laugh together a LOT. Life can be tough and hearing each other's laughter is bonding. Hearing my husband's laughter from across a large room full of people still puts a smile on my face. These are simply some of my own personal insights.

Agreed, agreed! I have been married for almost five years and we're still acting like we first met, all corny and lovey-dovey. My tip always is to make sure your partner is your BEST FRIEND first and your mate second. I could have never gotten this far with someone I wasn't the best of friends with.

^^Aw! I didn't know you were married too, GhostRed. Congrats on five happy years!

Bravo, Velvet Spider! Thanks for the words of wisdom and the positive role model you are for being happily married so long!

And, Velvet, you are awesome! I fully plan to be like you when I grow up. [/quote]

Well, you're very sweet...! Yet, trust me, I truly have to work at "growing wiser and not just growing older."

^That's part of what I love about this forum. We span ages and experiences and yet manage to all be younger than we are in some ways and older in others.

Coming to the conclusion that we're both equally awful people seems to work out real well.

^^ I don't regret knowing you, and that's kind of my litmus test as to whether someone's awful, but I agree that there has to be a bond of some kind. You have to "get" (i.e. understand and appreciate) the other party, and vice versa.

Trust, communication, understanding, passion, love, equality, independence, shared values, and humor are what I value most in a relationship.

The first four traits are fairly self-explanatory.

Equality is a big issue for me, as is the ability to live independent lives while in a relationship. I've been in far too many relationships which lacked this; relationships where I was (much to my discomfort) more or less worshipped, and where I was the center of my so's universe, as well as relationships where I was constantly pushed aside, devalued, ignored, or pushed around. My current relationship is what made me realize that egalitarian relationships can exist and are very beautiful. Also, while it is good to be very close to your love (obviously) I don't think it's healthy when your independent lives suddenly dissolve and everything starts to center around you and your partner as a couple. Will and I respect eachother's independence; he can go off on his crazy adventures while I pursue my own.

Shared values is another big issue for me. Let's face it; when your deepest social/political/religious convictions are at odds with your partner's it can cause issues, mainly when they are issues which you have personal involvement with. Don't get me wrong; some differences serve to keep things interesting and give you fodder for healthy intellectual debate. But others just make you feel stabby. I suppose here it really depends on the individual and the issue.